Box of Reasons to hate Ethan AKA



Ethan is from Ohio. Nothing good comes from Ohio.

Ethan set Walt Disney's frozen brain to defrost.

Ethan shot J.R.

Ethan is the reason all your favorite childhood shows are being remade into crappy Hollywood movies.

Ethan started Team Rocket.

Ethan took anime off [Adult Swim]

Ethan put something in my drink.

Ethan may not have shot the sheriff, but he did stab the deputy.

Ethan put the Benzedrine in Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine.

Ethan is responsible for the crappy seasons of The Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park and every other show that used to be good.

Ethan doesn't know how to triforce.

Ethan was the inspiration for Raiden from Metal Gear Solid.(#2, not the awesome one from MGS4)

All I want for Christmas is the two front teeth Ethan stole from me.

Ethan deleted WalrusGuy's Youtube channel.

Ethan won't tell me how the three shells work.

Ethan took out Big Boss' eye.

Ethan created all filler episodes for every anime ever.

Ethan makes esoteric jokes.

Ethan put Timmy in the well.

Ethan is a direct descendant of Ghengis Khan.

Neither Han nor Greedo shot first. Ethan shot them both.

Ethan orders cheese pizzas and has them sent to people who are lactose-intolerant.

Ethan thinks using long words makes him cool.

Ethan gives cocaine to toddlers.

Ethan told George Lucas to make the Star Wars prequels.

Ethan kidnapped the princess and framed Bowser.

Ethan is really Butcher Pete.

Ethan killed punk rock.

Ethan fired John Kricfalusi from Nickelodeon.

Ethan is the reason things follow us when we walk through the woods.

Ethan startled the witch.

Ethan told Parappa he couldn't rap.

Ethan sold his soul to the devil for blues prowess. Then he remembered that nobody listens to the blues anymore.

Upon closer inspection of old war photos, the words "Ethan Wells was here" can clearly be seen written on the side of the atom bomb.

Ethan gave Ward a sword.

Ethan turned WALL-E into scrap metal.

Ethan is the CEO of Conglom-O.

Ethan created the Phillips CD-i.

Ethan put baby in the corner.

Ethan gave Chris Farley the stuff.

Ethan eats hamburgers in India.

Ethan likes Steve Gutenburg. Sexually.

Ethan gave Anderson Cooper swine flu.

Ethan is responsible for the G4 show "2 Months, 2 Million"

Ethan is the reason Danzig left The Misfits.

Ethan understands the entire plot of the Kingdom Hearts games.

Ethan is responsible for getting Addi Hitler kicked out of art school.

Ethan told everybody that Samus Aran was a chick.

Ethan took candy from a baby.

Ethan watches bootlegs of popular movies, goes to the premieres and says how it ends during the previews.

Ethan believes it's not butter.

Ethan told Dr. Manhattan to stay naked for the whole movie.

You know Bill? Well Bill's cripple. Wanna know how Bill got cripple? Ethan did it.

Ethan told the police that the kid was in that balloon.

Ethan didn't talk to Ahzrukhal.

Ethan poisoned the waterhole.

Ethan wrote Billy Mays name in the Death Note.

Ethan killed Dogmeat.

Ethan is a draft dodger.

Ethan is really a soulless android.

Ethan likes being made fun of.

Yo, imma let you finish, but Ethan is worse than Kanye West.

Ethan likes the other 120 hours of Monty Python that isn't funny or memorable.

Ethan thinks liking bands that he finds on Myspace that only 4 different people listen to makes him cool, but it doesn't.

Ethan named his right hand Rachel.

Ethan takes all your double A batteries.

Ethan has long hair to hide his extra eyes.

Ethan thinks RC Cola is better than Dr. Pepper.

Ethan personally sends spam ads to everyone.

Ethan created the gameplay for all Dynasty Warriors games.

Ethan was the inspiration for Waluigi.

Ethan was the reason Disney bought Marvel.

The monkey that got fucked to create aids was really Ethan.

Ethan created Roving Butt Madness.

Ethan made Cleveland leave Family Guy.

Ethan is the reason the president is dead.

Ethan canceled The Cosby Show.

Ethan killed Kenny. That bastard.

Ethan likes Seinfeld.

ETHAN LIKES SEINFELD.

Ethan raped the land and pillaged the women.

Ethan wears pink dresses and walks around right outside of prison yards.

Ethan taught Al Gore about global warming.

Ethan's a freakin jerkoff. He jacked my tank, even.

Debbie Grund's killer was Ethan Wells.

A documentary was made about the life of Ethan Wells, but nobody wanted to watch two and a half hours of someone pleasuring their self while eating newborn kittens.

Ethan is responsible for every reality show ever.

Ethan had the idea for Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts.

Ethan is the reason devinatArt is full of Sonic recolors.

Ethan likes yaoi.

Ethan is the person behind The Cleveland Show.

Ethan watches Sex and the City every night.

Ethan is known in most circles as "The White Scourge"

Ethan froze the Zoras.

Ethan is the jigsaw killer.

Ethan has a horrible habit of public masturbation.

Ethan pees on himself. On purpose.

Ethan's about as cool as the surface of the sun.

Ethan goes to retirement homes to pick up women.

Ethan rents games from Gamefly, scratches the disks, and sends them back.

Ethan doesn't like Ike.

Ethan's dog doesn't hev any melk in it's pellow case.

Ethan is the reason Jimmy Carter is on crack.

I'm tired of these monkey-fighting Ethan Wells on this Monday-Friday plane.

Ethan created skinny jeans for guys.

Ethan dances on famous people's graves.

Ethan can't count past the number four.

Ethan doesn't have the official Nintendo seal.

Ethan is responsible for the red ring of death.

Ethan is the guy that adds in all those horrible sound effects into America's Funniest Home Videos.

Ethan single-handily caused the fall of the Western Empire.

Cocaine is vitamins for Ethan.

Ethan stars in one-man pornos.

Ethan created H1N1 in his basement.

Ethan doesn't leik mudkips.

Godwin's Law was originally "As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Ethan Wells approaches 1."

Ethan collects used prophylactics.

Ethan made Rule 34 of Rosanne.

Ethan knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Ethan thinks Pichu was the best character in Melee.

Ethan is into space docking.

Ethan calls rape "A real love hug."

Ethan is really three ducks in a man costume.

Ethan wore diapers until age 19.

Ethan lights his body hair on fire just to smell it.

Ethan is the reason people mistreated you in school.

Ethan is nothing more than a flat-chested woman.

Ethan has been known to fill every hole on his body with superglue on Sundays.

Ethan loves to wear his ghost costume in the Bronx.

Ethan started the Springfield tire fire.

Ethan likes girls with Chun-li legs.

Ethan doesn't like his weighted companion cube.

Ethan shot Mr. Burns.

Ethan made Ward forget his power cord.

Ethan is the reason your soda gets flat.

Ethan blew up Megaton.

Ethan put the dust in your NES.

Ethan thinks the cake is not a lie.

˙ƃuıʇıɹʍ lɐɯɹou pɐǝɹ ʎlǝɹɐq uɐɔ ǝɥ ˙sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ ʇ,uɐɔ uɐɥʇǝ

Ethan wrote the Necronomicon.

Ethan cries in public just so people will pay attention to him.

Ethan is the reason the water temple is so complicated.

Dr. Seuss originally called the book "How Ethan Wells stole Christmas" but decided to change it because he didn't want to make a horror story.

Ethan is a walking contradiction.

When Ethan was born, the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Not because of a mishap within the womb, the doctor did it.

Ethan has three vaginas.

Ethan made Bill O'reilly freak out.

Ethan is just unpleasant to be around.

Ethan's got scabies and phlebitis, chronic rabies, hepatitis, meningitis, Wait wait--I'm wrong--he has... crabs.



































Ethan is a little...

horse.